B’s Epiphany on Dating and Mating


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I have heard over the years that people feel like they deserve a certain kind of mate.  People have felt as though that they wanted specific things in a mate, and whether they were willing to become what that desired mate wanted was another issue that was rarely discussed.  While we all may desire certain traits in a significant other, there is a concept discussed in the Rationale Male, written by Rollo Tomassi, called the sexual marketplace.  The sexual marketplace consists of men and women who are rated on a scale from 1 to 10, which determines their level on the sexual market value scale.   This is spoken of in the Manosphere as well.  Rollo Tomassi in the forward to his latest work, “The Rational Male: Positive Masculinity”, defines the Manosphere as an online community of men that spans the globe and seeks to develop a better understanding of masculinity, the nature of women and how best to develop oneself with this collective knowledge.  The Manosphere in general is somewhat a male opposition to some of the negative tenants of feminism.  Depending on where one may fit, that will determine what they can reasonably expect to get for their own personal place on that scale.  A person’s sexual market value has to do with things such as age, looks, and other things to include status, and mental capacity.  Generally, looks is the first thing since that is what we see.



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With all this discussion about marketplace, let’s compare dating and mating to a marketplace of say goods and/or services.  Let’s stick with goods on this one.  Ideally, a person looks at price first when buying food, cars, homes, clothes, etc.  When one goes to a food market, one who likes healthier food and takes time to read the ingredients on the label, they are looking for the healthiest food based on those ingredients for the best price.  Dating and mating is a market where people in general, want someone with a sexual market value like theirs or higher.  This, again, is first based on looks.  So, people in general want someone who looks like them or better.  The issue comes in when people want what they want in a mate, whether they want to date and mate or just mate, but they feel as if they don’t have to bring anything or should be allowed to bring less to the table.  The dating and mating scene is a market.  It is not a place where you should feel like you can get what you want because you deserve it, or you’re entitled to getting it.  The other person is giving up something just as you are.

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It is said by some that a woman’s prime is from the ages of 18 to 27, give or take a year or so, and a man’s prime is from the ages of 35 to 45, give or take a year or so.  So, at times, older men go after younger women, which makes sense since a man’s prime comes later than that of women.  There are times too, when an older woman will have an interest in a younger man. Regardless of this, dating and mating should be looked at, in my view, as the survival of the fittest.  No one is guaranteed anything on the dating scene.  According to Howard Bloom in “The Lucifer Principle”, the average man has mated with only a few women.  With all that said, women are the gatekeepers to sex, since non-consensual sex with a woman is rape, and men are the gatekeepers to relationships and marriage, since no woman can enter a relationship and marriage if there is no willing man.  A 5 on the sexual market value scale from 1 to 10 can expect to get a 5 at best.  That individual getting a 6 in a mate is pushing it.  But it also depends on that potential mate and the value that they see in that 5.  So, if the pool of available mates for any number on the sexual market value scale is undesirable by that number, then that person has a choice to either change their views or remain single.  We are attracted to what we are attracted to.  However, we are not entitled to have what we are attracted to.  A 5 on the sexual market value scale may want a 10.  But, that will more than likely not happen.  So that 5 will either accept and be happy with a 5, or lower their expectations.  Unless a 6 or a 7 is willing, that 5 will probably have to remain single.

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As we all age, for the most part, our sexual market value will decline.  So, at some time we may want to sit down and decide what’s important.  Or at least, what’s more important.  If you are someone who desires to have a mate, this may not be what you have wanted to read.  In my view, we are not entitled even to the air that we’re breathing.  What makes some of us think that we are entitled to any particular mate?  That’s not my call to make.  But these are my thoughts.


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